If you are trying to find out about adoption and how to go about doing it, then you are an incredibly admirable person. Adopting is a great thing. There are so many children out there, in desperate need of loving homes and parents. However, if you already have biological children, it can be difficult to know how to tell them that they are going to have an adopted brother or sister. It’s impossible to know how they will react unless you’ve talked about it before. Here are some tips for breaking the news to your kids.
Be Honest With Your Children
Don’t wait a long time to tell your kids. Especially if they are older, they are going to be upset that you didn’t trust them with the information before, more than being upset at the actual news. When you tell your children about their adopted sibling depends entirely on their age, maturity level and the kind of adoption you are going through. Some take a long while and others a short time. You’ll need to tell them with enough time for them to get used to the idea.
Children can tell when you are not being honest. Let them know how you are feeling about the whole situation and tell them that it’s okay for them to have unsure feelings at first. While a child should not feel that they are in control of the decision, they do need to feel like their parents are being upfront with them about everything and not try to hide something from them.
Reassure Your Children
Biological children have many fears when they hear that they are going to have an adopted sibling. One of the main ones is that they think their parents do not think they are enough. They might think that you will love the new baby more than them. It’s important to constantly reaffirm your love for them and their place in the family. Your life will be very busy preparing for the new one but make sure you carve out special time where it’s just you and your child and you focus on them and don’t talk about the adoption.
Encourage your kids to talk about their fears regarding the adoption so that you can help them understand better. They should feel able to tell you any negative feelings that they may have. This is one of the best ways to reassure them.
Include Your Children
During the actual adoption process, it may be difficult to include your child. Of course, after you get the baby, they can help with diaper changes, feedings, playing and bath time but before hand it can be hard to balance. You can do things like bringing your child with you when you visit the adoption center or when you meet a birth couple. Asking your kids if they want a brother or a sister may be a good way to include them. However, if you have multiple kids, they may have different desires so let them know that the final decision about their adopted sibling lies with you and your spouse.
As the arrival date gets closer, the kids can help pick out decorations for the new sibling’s room and help set up the nursery. Letting them determine where the diapers will go or what kind of clothes the baby should wear can help them feel very included without giving them control of the adoption.
Discuss it With Your Children
When it’s not special ‘Mommy/Daddy and Me’ time, encourage your kids to talk about the adoption. They don’t need to be overwhelmed with complicated information about the adoption process but simple questions like ‘what is the first thing that you are going to show your new brother/sister when they get here?’ are great ways to talk casually about the adoption without making it a draw out serious conversation and still be able to find out what’s going on in your child’s mind.
Prepare yourself for questions about the adoption from your kids. They may be quiet at first, but as time goes on, they’ll start to get used to the idea and have a lot of random questions.
